and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
you mean i was at the winter classic?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
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