when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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