Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
