I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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