Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
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