I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Randomize
