Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
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