Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
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