She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
