just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Randomize