I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
