if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
