thus making me awesome and them whores
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
be right there i have to get my cape
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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