bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I really don't want to move...I'm having a motivation problem.
kev is about to show us pictures of the tranny he accidentally fucked last night.
I'll be there in 10
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
