Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
i love accidental penises.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
