She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
