I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
