So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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