Kiss
Puke
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
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