They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
