it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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