textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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