So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
