the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
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