If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
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