Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
