was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Randomize
