The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
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