you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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