Old men and throwing up are my life now.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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