You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Randomize
