Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
