this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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