I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
