the day after is always just damage control
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Randomize
