i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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