im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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