I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
