dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
