My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
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