Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
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