You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Randomize
