He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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