So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
