im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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