I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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