Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
