Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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