Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
Randomize
