He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
