Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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