I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Randomize
