Banned from zoo.
Again?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize
