It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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