i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Are my feet made of real feet?
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Randomize
