I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
