Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
