I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
