i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
