I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
