I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Randomize