call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
i want to swaddle you in tequila
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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