If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
