He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
