i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
