What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
