We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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