Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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