Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I smell stomach acid.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
