Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
